I'm going to jail i love you
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
