before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
