So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
