Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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