good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Houston, we have a blender
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize