Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
