I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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