you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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