Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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