She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize