yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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