what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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