Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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