So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
