Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
