first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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