At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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