I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
