I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
