Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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