They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
