I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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