Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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