hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
