I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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