btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
