We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
