he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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