I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
