the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she smelled like a LAN party
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
