chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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