How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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