We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
