the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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