Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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