its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
