You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
