I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
