these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
