She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
