so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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