Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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