When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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