Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
