I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
