when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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