That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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