Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
