Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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