Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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