32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
