M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The best revenge is premature balding
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
