it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
