she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
