oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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