I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
