I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
