Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I believe in your delicious
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
