your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
