SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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