so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
