He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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