I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She said her name was "party"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am available for nakedness
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
