i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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