i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
