I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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