i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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