went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
