Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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