remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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