His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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