Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it glows. i had to have it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize