Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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