so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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