Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
