when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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