i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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