Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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