u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
