He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize