i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
