hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize