All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
we should paint friendship bongs
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
