i just google imaged poop.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
