the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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